Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
