so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
