don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
