Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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