brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
