I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
