I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
