We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
