Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
