Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
