I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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