how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
