you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think my moral compass just broke
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
