I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So squirting runs in the family.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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