I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
