Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
