i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
