either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
