i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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