You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
