Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
