I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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