R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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