we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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