He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
