did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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