It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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