What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize