So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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