I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did i walk over a car last night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
