hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
