is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
