yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
