Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
