Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
