Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
