WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
