I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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