At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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