I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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