She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
