Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
