i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
