I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
