textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
