If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
