her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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