How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
