We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
