Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
there is glitter all over my balls
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