Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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