trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
