Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
