he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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