So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
