I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
