$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
