I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
