I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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