It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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