I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
