Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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