I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
