fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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