counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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