Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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